We got a huge kick out of this inquiry for a new website:

Although I am married, I’d like to have a sordid affair with Google. I have a dead website, no blog, sporadic social networking action, and a pdf newsletter. Of course, I’m on a budget, but am committed to at least Botox injections if Google will love me. I’d appreciate your guidance on cost-effective strategies to get ‘G’Man’s attention.